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Joke of the Day

"Last weekend I prevented a rape. It didn't take much. You can do it too. [xpost /r/TwoXChromosomes] I kept it in my pants."

"What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080p"

"Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?"

"Good dancer Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"A little kid comes running into the backyard. He says ""Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"" ""Son you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."""

"What's fat, sweaty, and bad at cooking? My ex wife!"

"Who called them potatoes & not the motherchip."

"I carry a bar of soap in my pocket so when someone tries to talk to me I can pull it out and say someone is paging me and leave."

"If your conservative parents piss you off over the holidays, come out to them. You don't even have to be gay, it's just a fun thing to do."

"*pours a shaker of salt into the ocean* You're free now"