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Joke of the Day

"*takes 400 selfies to find one I think is good enough to post* caption: Just a random quick shot, I love capturing these special moments"

"When is it okay to kick a midget in the balls? ...When he tells you that your wife's hair smells good."

"The neighbors are looking at me strangely again. Like they have never seen a man sitting on his roof with a pair binoculars before."

"What do you call an Irish-Canadian? a Mickey Moose"

"I offended a girl at Ethnicity Club. Apparently she didn't like my tone."

"My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well."

"A skeleton walks into a bar.. Something something beer and mop.."

"4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths."

"What's the difference between purple and pink? The grip. "

"my mom thinks im the only one that uses the internet this late... but little does she know, all of you exist"