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Joke of the Day

"There's a party in my pants, with an all you can eat buffet, and a VIP entrance in the rear."

"My books fell on my head last night.... I only have my shelf to blame. :("

"You know when geese are flying in a V, one side of the V is always longer than the other one? Know why that is? Cause there's more geese on that side."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick in your sister's ass."

"What did the elephant say to the famous detective ? It's ele-mentary my dear Sherlock !"

"What star sign is a donut? It's a Taurus!"

"You hear about the love struck super magnets? Whenever they met face to face, they just couldn't seem to connect, however the moment one turned to walk away, they were nearly inseparable."

"New neighbor: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Me: It's nice to meet you too. This is my daughter, 9 Neighbor: What's your Twitter @ Me: DAMMIT"

"Did you hear about the heroin addict who accidentally injected food coloring? They say he dyed in vein."

"7 y/o daughter: Dad, do trees poop? Me: Of course! 7 y/o: Really? Me: Why do you think they call them ""Number 2"" pencils?"