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Joke of the Day
"I used to use alcohol as a crutch at parties Now it's more like Stephen Hawking's computer-chair"
Next Joke
"What's a cows favorite type of tv show A cows favorite type of tv show is animoo... I'm bad at jokes"
"Whenever I see a sign saying Fine Jewelry I think to myself, it's probably had enough warnings, why not just arrest it."
"What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan? Bombs"
"Laziness father to his adopted son: ""what is the limit of laziness?"" son: ""having an adopted son"""
"""someday this will all be yours"" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food"
"me: *tries to befriend another human being* another human being: oh, no thank you"
"How do you get a baby to stop choking? Take your dick out of its mouth."
"I think my cat might be a communist... Mao...Mao...Mao...Mao..."
"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas."