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Joke of the Day

"What a time to be alive! Right now."

"What do you get when you cross a republican house with a democratic senate?"

"If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap."

"retweet this to electronically sign my petition to ban windmills worldwide . we've had enough bird casualties . and for what ?more wind ?"

"A pharmaceutical company in Canada is offering $47 billion to buy the company that makes Botox. People at Botox were pretty excited I mean, you should've seen the look that wasn't on their faces."

"Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talk to the woman."

"Why did princess Diana cross the street? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt."

"Breaking News: It turns out OJ Simpsons son actually killed Nicole Brown Simpson. OJ's son asked him if he could have an advance on his allowance. OJ told him ""Go axe yer mother"""

"If human civilization had a narrator it would just be some guy repeating ""Little did they know..."" over and over and over."

"All I'm saying is if you really want someone to dance with you, you probably shouldn't tell them to shut up."