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Joke of the Day

"Justin Bieber? Why would someone call their daughter Justin?"

"My relationship with my cat is like that of a married couple. Basically we fight a lot and never have sex."

"Cop: Ma'am, Are you intoxicated? Me: Are YOU intoxicated! Cop: No Me: Prove it! Cop: *puts handcuffs on me* Me: I like where this is going."

"Don't forget to stop and Instagram the roses."

"What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple? He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy."

"[Gets Twitter error: ""Somehow, somewhere, something went wrong""] I know Twitter, I know. That's why I'm here."

"What kind of sounds does Jaimie Foxx make in the bedroom? No sound at all, the D is silent"

"My family was so poor we couldn't afford toys... So my mom would cut holes in our pockets so we'd have something to play with."

"Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album."

"Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better."