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Joke of the Day

"I have a big butt and I can not lie."

"If I ever get kidnapped, my plan is to just talk non-stop about Lost until they see that I'm very annoying, and they return me to safety."

"""Let's sleep in when we can't sleep in, and not sleep in when we can sleep in"" - children"

"Did you hear about the new movie about the Nazi with a speech impediment? Schindler's Lisp"

"I hate people with artism"

"When a friend is about to hand me her baby, I deliberately drop my phone while yelling ""DAMN SO CLUMSY!"" and wait as she changes her mind."

"So I was reading about the Lucy fossil in National Geographic the other day and I have to admit, she looks kinda sexy... No homo tho."

"What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back!"

"If I had a dollar for every time I stepped on the cat when I arrived home... I could afford to wipe my shoes on a proper door mat"

"Ask a man if he's critiquing your work... Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you. Single Men say: Yes Married Men: Try to hide"