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Joke of the Day

"well its a strange request ""pleease"" ok ok [doctor says test results again only this time in arnold schwarzenegger voice] its naht a toomah"

"I just said ""Who's a little biscuit!"" to a puppy tied to a signpost outside a cafe & a homeless guy a few feet away said ""I am."""

"Did you hear that Elton John is singing at Amy Winehouse's funeral reception? He will be singing ""Candle Under the Spoon""."

"I never get tired of my old Tweets getting RT'd so I know musicians never get tired of hearing their songs being played on the radio."

"what does a good bar and a good woman have in common? Liquor in the front and poker in the back"

"I went on a scavenger hunt the other day. I shot a vulture."

"Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh?"

"What do you call a hypochondriac dinosaur? Tri-serepax."

"Sometimes I miss having an appendix.. [removed]"

"Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie"