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Joke of the Day

"Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie"

"How does a lawyer from Panama play his guitar? He shreds."

"My new neighbor is fat, obnoxious, and loud. Now I know how Canada feels."

"Don't force funny huh? Well, I have funny tied to a chair in my basement and...unless we become fast friends... ...he's losing a knee cap."

"Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because they're terrible at breaking the ice."

"I'm gonna name my daughter Retarded So I can say yes whenever someone asks me if I am fucking retarded"

"""Do unto others and stuff."" (Lesser-known brother, Josh Christ)"

"Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words."

"What's the worst part about vaping? Telling your parents you're gay."

"Whats the difference between a Jew and a vending machine? What's the difference between a Jew and a vending machine? Vending machines give you your change back."