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Joke of the Day

"I grew up on cartoon violence So naturally, when I fight, it's a giant dust ball with stars and exclamation points flying about"

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"[at gym] me: [wiping down equipment after finishing with it] cute girl: you don't have to do that with the vending machine. are you crying"
"My wife is breaking up with me because of my masturbation addiction... Boy do I feel like a big jerk."
"Why do Feminists Like to have Sex with the Lights Off? They can't stand to see a man have a good time."
"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Avalanche Barbie ...buried in 16 feet of snow"
"What food, when consumed by a female, causes a complete loss of desire? Wedding cake."
"Keep honking. I'm reloading."
"So a blind man walks into a bar and a table, and a chair"
"They say the best things come in small packages So I fucked a midget"
"Me: Which cup do you want? 2-year-old: That one! Me: Let's pick a different one. 2-year-old: No! *drinks milk from a shot glass*"