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Joke of the Day

"I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Eats Her Feelings Julie' and 'Loves Abortions Brenda'."

"Smoking is actually a good thing for me Look how often I have to go outside into the fresh air"

"What's the Russian President's favorite song? ""Putin on the Ritz!"" I'll be here all week guys."

"My wife said if I took one more picture of her she'd leave me. That's when I snapped."

"Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle they put it around her neck"

"I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns. It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops."

"Just so we're on the same page, I'm on 137."

"I treat pavement like Tampax Because some bitches bleed on it!"

"When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed."

"Did you hear about the village idiot buying bird seed? He said he wanted to grow some birds."