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Joke of the Day

"[date] ME: do you have kids or pets? HER: a son and a cat ME: what are their names? HER: John & Batman ME: nice! my son is also named Batman"

"What does Melania say to the Donald after sex? Next time *I* suck Bill's dick while YOU watch."

"How come no one liked the Chinese food enthusiast? He was a mega lo meiniac."

"The truth is out there; it just hasn't been indexed well."

"When you get 3 out of 4, its... not half bad!"

"Going to the middle east for Christmas Because Christmas is da bomb there... Came up that myself. I'll walk myself out..."

"A friend's father had been using LOL to mean lots of love. This explained such messages as ""Your grandmother's in the hospital. LOL."""

"How does Hillary Clinton clean her glasses? By deleting the mainframe."

"It must be 1929... Because my econ homework has me in a severe depression."

"ME: nice fanny pack u weirdo KANGAROO: *puts phone in pouch, pulls out a knife* ME: holy shit"