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Joke of the Day
"What is the only deaf animal? Def Leppard"
Next Joke
"A lot of people say I'm condescending... (That means I talk down to people)"
"Reasons he didn't text you: - He forgot. - He fell asleep. - His phone died. - His pet died. - His GF died. - He died. - He thinks you died."
"Ordered a pumpkin spice latte this morning and now I have bangs and work at Anthropologie."
"[taking baby's shoes off & examining the soles] ""Oh look, completely clean. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere."""
"Did you hear the joke about the dance? The punchline wasn't funny."
"Olive Garden is appropriately named given that an olive garden is exactly where even Jesus was disappointed."
"What do you call a female pilot's vagina? A cock pit."
"Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig are unbelievably close friends. It's almost like they share some kind of Bond."
"I was trying to work out what that flying red disk was But then it hit me"