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Joke of the Day

"What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner? Thank you I'll just have a slither."

"I will not mess up this omelet.. I will not mess up this omelet.. I will not mess up this omelet.. I will enjoy my scrambled eggs."

"Ivan Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint the phone rings and he jumps up shouting ""Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!"""

"Why was the school grey? Because it was a Greyed School. I woke up with this joke in my head this morning. I think my brain is trying to kill me with horrible puns."

"why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can cum on its face"

"Mickey Mouse's lawyer calls... ...And tells him, ""Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because shes 'crazy'"" and Mickey responds, ""I didn't say she was crazy, i said she was fucking goofy!"""

"I'm not heartless, I've just learned how to use my heart less..."

"Where do football directors go when they are fed up? The bored room!"

"Whats Putins favourite food? Ukrainian take away."

"I bought some Greek yogurt today It started asking all of the other food in my fridge for money"