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Joke of the Day

"I'm not heartless, I've just learned how to use my heart less..."

"A boy asks his mother a question Boy: ""Mom, why's my cousin named Jasmine?"" Mom: ""That's because your aunt likes flowers."" Boy: ""Mom, what do you like?"" Mom: ""Oh, be quiet Richard"""

"What's black and white and red all over? After it was stuck in traffic because of protesters blocking the freeway: a police car."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender looks up and shouts, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" ""You have a drink called Steve?"""

"Rene Descartes is chilling with his girlfriend. She asks: ""What are you thinking of?"" He says: ""Nothing."" and disappears."

"A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he's wearing TOMS and you can't stop laughing."

"fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due me: say it fred: pls no me: i'm not paying fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due me: haha"

"PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher ""can i use the bathroom?"" ""i don't know, CAN you?"" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*"

"I'm stuck at a boring wedding reception, tell me a joke to get through it"

"That Awkward Moment That awkward moment when your boobs are bouncing while running..... and you're a boy."