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Joke of the Day
"I'm not heartless, I've just learned how to use my heart less..."
Next Joke
"A Volvo runs over a Nokia... ... the world explodes."
"That awkward moment when your ex is dating someone who looks just like you."
"I got caught taking a pee in the Municipal swimming pool. The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in."
"I think it's adorable when kids lose their teeth, they look like tiny meth addicts."
"[Fitbit commercial with me] BEFORE: lazy guy AFTER: lazy guy who had $129"
"What do you get when you cross a rhino with an elephant? Hell-if-i-know (my grandma's favorite joke)"
"New gym is great. Free robe service. They shaved the top of my head? Gardening, masonry. Chanting. Swore an oath and live at the gym now."
"Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics."
"I have trouble even monotasking."