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Joke of the Day

"My 9 year daughter asked me: ""Daddy can we buy money?"" ... Me: Buy money? Using what? Daughter: Aaa ... Apples? Me: That's called ""Selling Apples"" not buying money."

"A way you can tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist ask them to pronounce the word 'unionized'"

"Fun fact: if you say ""I did the math,"" nobody argues with you because they don't want to have to redo the math themselves."

"Facebook needs a ""settle down"" button you tap on a friend's profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately."

"A group of deer... .. go to a party. The next day, one deer says to the other ""Wow, that was a pretty crazy party."" the other deer replies, ""You're telling me. I blew 50 bucks!"""

"Do I turn left when nothing is right? Or do I turn right when there's nothing left?"

"Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him."

"What do you call when a female physicist decides to try dating women for a change? The double slit experiment."

"Soup: for when you want to be hungry again in 20 minutes"

"My friend compared me to a singular cloud in an otherwise blue summer sky No one wants me around. Which admittedly is pretty great...I had no idea he thought so highly of me."