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Joke of the Day

"Facebook needs a ""settle down"" button you tap on a friend's profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately."

"If you beat a man with a mustache in a fist fight, you get to keep his mustache."

"Sex with me is like WWIII... It hasn't happened yet."

"Why is Divorce so Expensive? Because it's worth it."

"""Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail"""

"I live in constant fear that someone will abduct my mother in law at 35 Ash Street, London, Flat 2, door is sticky buzz Carol to let you in."

"What was Captain Picard's favorite kind of train? N-Gauge."

"Growing up couldn't wait to have a room of my own and do whatever I liked. So why did I end up doing the exact opposite by getting married?"

"If I've learnt anything from Zombie movies it's that people meat is pretty damn stringy."

"What did the self-deprecating Indian say about his car? ""It has Injun problems."""