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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever seen the serial numbers on a condom? No? You must not roll them back far enough."

"*Kylo Ren pranks calls Finn* Hey Finn I bet you shop at *dramatic pause* Traitor Joes!!! *High fives Hux*"

"I FEEL SO ALIVE MCDONALD'S IS GIVING AWAY FREE COFFEE I PASSED 20 MCDONALD'S TODAY DO THE MATH TOO LATE I DID THE MATH SLEEP IS FOR MORTALS"

"I asked my wife, ""Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"" She said, ""Somewhere I have never been!"" I told her, ""How about the kitchen?"""

"What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships? ""Have a good one, son."""

"I like my women how I like my weather moist and unstable."

"""Grandpa, when did you know grandma was the one?"" When her sister dumped me."

"What do you call a math teacher who's really into BDSM? A denominatrix."

"The wife left a note by the TV today saying ""Its not working, I'm leaving"" I plugged it in, turned it on, nothing wrong with it stupid cow!"

"I accidentally just sent a kissy face emoji to my female boss... and now we wait for the call from HR on Monday."