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Joke of the Day

"whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? There is one less drunk at the wake"

"you know what really turns on a nerd? unprotected wifi"

"My dog has figured out I'm Chinese. He totally tried to make a run for it. Silly dog, I'm not going to eat you until I train a replacement."

"I've stopped trying to understand sandwiches with a third piece of bread in the middle."

"Did you hear about the casino croupier whose hand, through a tragic accident, was reduced to a stub? Don't worry, he's dealing with it."

"What did Harry Potter say when he found Dumbledore in bed with his godfather? Are you fucking Sirius?"

"The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off"

"Whatever you do, always give 100%... Unless of course, you're donating blood."

"An Italian classics professor... ...goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: ""Euripides?"" The professor replies: ""Yes. Eumenides?"""

"My dad was born with a conjoined twin He was the uncle on my dad's side. But don't worry, the doctors were able to separate them. Now he's my uncle once removed."