135121

Joke of the Day

"I'm so lazy, I'll only walk my fingers through your hair."

"Me: ""Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean."" Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* ""Sorry, come again?"" Me: ""No, mustard."""

"What do you get when the Pillsburry Doughboy bends over Dough nuts"

"I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you'll never know."

"what would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if he was a member of Al Qaeda? GET TO THE VIRGINS"

"I used to be an expert on the DunningKruger effect... ...but then I began to learn more about it."

"My front door was locked so I tried to force it open. Then my wife said ""You're not a Jedi Paul, just use the goddamn key."""

"I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens."

"I thought you were Russian... ...but it turns out you were just Stalin and Putin me off."

"A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg. Apparently the answer is Chicken. (Edit: Typo)"