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Joke of the Day

"Kanye running for president."

"What's the smartest thing that's come out of a woman's mouth? Einstein's cock. Taken from the movie 300 Miles to Graceland."

"Do you know what they feed you at Guantanamo Bay? Well after being there for 30 years, neither do I!"

"Little girl: ""Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."" Mom: ""Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."""

"If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet with intelligent life - lets just make patterns in their crop and leave."

"What's the best way to remove a grass stain? Alcohol? I don't see how getting drunk will help, but whatever."

"If your human doesn't feed you immediately, run in front of their feet and trip them up. ~Cats, apparently."

"Hey, everyone in a minivan-- hit the gas!"

"Why did Bin Laden stop having sex? Every time he looked between a woman's legs, he saw Bush."

"The monkey at the zoo ruined my new shirt. I should have seen it coming."