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Joke of the Day

"[world series game 1] Wife: where are our seats? Hamlet: 2b... Wife: there are people there Hamlet: or not 2b"

"Do/Be To do is to be. -Descartes To be is to do. -Voltaire Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra"

"[dismissed from jury duty because I kept coughing loudly the words 'bribe me']"

"The other day, a clown held the door open for me. It was a nice jester."

"Last night my mom made dinner, serving up a nice plate of ""You had so much potential"" with a steaming side of ""You shoulda married Jeff."""

"I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa. I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing."

"I call my penis Valyrian Steel.... Because it slays pale, icy bitches and no one really knows how it works."

"I just took the garbage out. In 3D."

"To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night: I'm not letting you out."

"I don't really like my beard But it's growing on me"