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Joke of the Day

"Finding Nemo 3: Nemo's mom isn't dead. Nemo's dad kidnapped Nemo to avoid a custody dispute. Nemo's mom finds them. It's a revenge tale."

"If you ever see me wearing anything fur lined or faux fur, please punch the person I'm with in the face. I've been kidnapped & need saved!!"

"If you feel like someone is playing mind games with you, they totally are and you should kill them before they kill you."

"Ladies and gentlemen, my browsing history... [deleted]"

"Native Americans are all pissed that we took their land when they were here first... ..but we made reservations."

"[starts Power Point presentation titled ""Why I'm Breaking Up With You""] Him: Wait, what the--? Me: Please hold all questions until the end."

"""I don't know the government, and I'm not giving them any of my coins."" - my 4yo after I explained taxes"

"Why can you trust a musician? Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss."

"What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair (credit to my physics teacher's wife)"

"Why didn't the proctologist show up for work? He had two cars, but he rectum both."