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Joke of the Day

"""I don't know the government, and I'm not giving them any of my coins."" - my 4yo after I explained taxes"

"Whats the difference between Aladdin lamp and women make up - nothing if you rub both you will find a freak"

"""Who'd win in a wresting match? Lemmy or God?"" ""Trick question. Lemmy IS God.""-Air Heads RIP Lemmy."

"[front of card] No one will find your body [open card] as attractive as I do [back of card] lying at the bottom of an abandoned mine shaft"

"If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?"

"WIFE: *filing for divorce* ME: Are you mad at me?"

"What's your favorite terraria boss? Mine is the enderdragon"

"I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos."

"I got in trouble for masturbating in the showers Apparently it ruined the school trip to auschwitz"

"I amputated my own fingers to get a date with a cute surgeon She finally took my digits this time!"