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Joke of the Day

"I've been watching women's Olympic beach volleyball and there's already been a wrist injury. But I should be fine by tomorrow."

"Milk cartons in Asia have missing planes on them instead of children."

"To a lot of Americans these days, Donald Trump is just starting to sound like a lot of white noise."

"Me: Goodnight Moon Moon: Well hi there. I can't hear you because I'm 240,000 miles away and sound doesn't travel in space. Die in a fire."

"I've been watching so much porn lately I spit on my hotdog before putting it the bun."

"Last autumn, a nice flower salesmen sold me some poppies in some cool cylinders. Oh boy! Two more months and here I come, fall opiate tubes!"

"TIFU by quitting my job as a train driver and downing a bottle of ketchup. I went off the rails and straight on the sauce."

"How many tickles... How many tickles before a squid starts to laugh? Ten tickles"

"You are so tall in my eyes that they can't rise higher than your waist."

"How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By running. J.K! Rowling."