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Joke of the Day

"Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him."

"Tell 'em how it 'tis, not how it 'twas: Edition 1. It used to be the joke was ""If ya lick 'er, it's quicker"" Now it's: if ya drug 'er, ya fug 'er."

"Judging by the tweets, you guys all lead really interesting lies"

"i cant get a dog because it will give strangers an excuse to talk to me"

"A proctologist walks into a bar Hostess: Would you like to take a stool or grab a seat? Doctor: Hell no, just a beer, I do that all day."

"How many dead hookers does it take to screw a light bulb? Why the hell would my basement even need light?"

"How does every racist joke begin? By glancing around the room."

"Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GcvgsWkSY8"

"What I've learned from Twitter: 1. Men are pervs 2. Women are pervs 3. Cats are pervs"

"I saw this advert in a window that said: ""Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."" I thought, ""I can't turn that down."""