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Joke of the Day

"How many dead hookers does it take to screw a light bulb? Why the hell would my basement even need light?"

"We're equally riveted by stories like the Chilean miners (33 men, 1 hole) & Tiger Woods (1 man, 33 holes)."

"A penguin walks into a bar... He goes up to the barman and says, ""Have you seen my father in here today?"" The barman says, ""I don't know, what does he look like?"""

"I have decided I will never get down to my original weight. Besides 7.5 pounds is unrealistic anyway."

"A recent study shows that 51.9% of the UK are under educated. It was called the EU referendum."

"I never misused the word ironic, ironic right? it's a bit of a paradox. THINK!"

"The inventor of the snooze button has passed away. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 8:00, 8:06, 8:11, 8:13, and 8:14."

"Actors retweeting compliments is the modern day version of actors murdering hookers."

"Well if Trump is a bad president, hopefully by the next election... We'll have 2020 hindsight"

"I'm surprised Bob the Builder ever gets anything done He's surrounded by tools"