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Joke of the Day

"Does the circle of life... become a sphere in 3D?"

"My sister bet me I couldn't make a czar out of spaghetti... Boy was she surprised when I introduced her to [Ditalini of Pereslav](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dmitry_of_Pereslavl)!"

"Why are Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse having a divorce? Because Minnie is fucking Goofy"

"Some days, I wish I were robosexual, because if I was into bots, I would have all the luck on Tinder."

"Restaurants drastically overestimate how much I care about which wood they smoke my bacon over."

"A small tattoo I'd hate to be a midget into tattoos...only get half the canvas space"

"Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things? Me: Yes, I am. Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good."

"About Lily Probably a repost but I don't care: Why did Lily fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lily."

"[blind date] Her: so do you go on a lot of dates? Me: *sucking the gravy from my plate* a lot of first ones."

"How many IT support techs does it take to change a lightbulb? ""have you tried turning the light off and back on?"""