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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things? Me: Yes, I am. Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good."

"What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow? -Your pants are on backwards"

"Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador"

"When I die I hope someone puts ""In Memory Of Jenny Johnson"" in old English lettering across the back windshield of their Buick Riviera."

"You'll get this gun when you pry it out of my cold dead ow hey give that back"

"The iCloud leaks weren't an accident at all. It was Apple trying to make up for causing Adam and Eve to have to wear clothes in the first place."

"Girl i heared you like bad boys I don't like bragging but i am so bad that when my mom tells me i can eat only one cookie i eat two!"

"I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked."

"Why was Cinderella kicked out of Walt Disney World? Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to start telling lies."

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return? Stick"