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Joke of the Day

"I know I'll never be a rocket scientist... because the amount of math they have to do is astronomical and I'm not very stellar at it."

"How do you get a blowjob in Flint, MI Pour bottled water over your dick."

"What is a blonde's favorite color? Glitter."

"Why can't women explain feminism to men? Because they need a man to do it for them"

"My wife and I rented Black Hawk Down last night. Or, as Brian Williams likes to call it, the Brian Williams Story."

"What charity has PETA beat in terms of death rate? The Make a Wish Foundation."

"My friend said after getting his second divorce that he forgot what pussy looks like... But he knows what a cunt looks like"

"My urge to sing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" is just a whim away. A whim away, a whim away"

"HR: Let's talk about why you were late today. Me: I told you! HR: DRAGONS AREN'T ""RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION!"" Me: Duh. That's why I was late."

"[Doctor's Office] Seal: My flippers are sore. Killer Whale Doctor: Hmm interesting, swim a little closer into my jaws- I MEAN ONTO THE TABLE"