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Joke of the Day

"I watch zombie movies to prepare myself if one day it really happens. Same for porn."

"If you get butterflies in your stomach You should probably stop eating insects"

"A star walks into a black hole... ... but it doesn't seem phazed. The black hole turns to the star and says, ""Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."""

"Why does Santa have a large sack? Because he only cums once a year"

"WIFE: So, is Elon Musk an alien from another galaxy? ME: Nah, an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait"

"Did you hear Ben and Jerry's are naming a flavor in honor of Jerry Sandusky? They are calling it Raspberry Turnover"

"You make cool foam designs on top of your coffee? Well latte-da."

"Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, ""YES!"""

"So, Thor is going to be female from now on. I bet Chris Hemsworth wishes he'd paid more attention to the small print when signing that Avengers contract"

"Why did the console peasant cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side"