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Joke of the Day

"My memory is warped and skips often You could call it phonographic"

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Punch her in the stomach."

"What do you call someone who only tells knock-knock jokes? A Jehovah's Witness."

"Vicar: The bride and groom have written their own vows. *Everyone lets out a huge groan as Tolstoy reaches into his suit pocket*"

"I watch Aladdin and root for Jafar."

"You could tell my parents hated me... My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. (RIP Rodney Dangerfield)"

"What do you call a Mexican detective? Sherlock, homes"

"""And this is Flegh, Fnnnr, Grmm, Jsssh and Jhee-Jo."" (What My Brain Hears When Introduced to a Group of People)"

"someone asked me if i liked having long hair... i told them i didn't at first but it kinda grew on me."

"I took this girl home after our date... Her: When you said magical in bed this isn't what I expe- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card? Her: *softly* holy shit"