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Joke of the Day
"""With my wife it was sex, sex, sex... Yes, three times in 35 years"" -Bob Monkhouse"
Next Joke
"I rolled over and saw a girl laying in bed next to me. ""How the fuck did you get in here?"" I asked. She said, ""You don't remember last night, do you?"" ""I do,"" I replied, ""But my hallway is narrow."""
"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide"
"Why does no-one use the rhinos ATM? Because he charges!"
"I just want a car with pop-up headlights. Do they still make those? Love would be good too."
"I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun."
"why does a fly hang upside down ? to take the weight of its feet."
"She ate poison! We have to make her vomit! [everyone looks at me] [i roll my eyes and start getting naked]"
"What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman? One says ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says ""Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"""
"What do you call it when God masturbates? Jesus fucking Christ"