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Joke of the Day

"If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case."

"What kind of blood does a born loser have? Typo"

"I do pull ups to get girls... and pull outs to not get one"

"Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel"

"Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

"""Have u seen my cat?"" ""I saw a cat down the road?"" ""Really? [shows me a picture] was it this cat?"" ""No, the one I saw was dead."""

"ya i'll have a 6 inch subway club on parmesan oregano ""sir this is the DMV"" uh ya toasted ""sir"" cheddar ""sir, you-"" do u have sun chips"

"Patient: ""How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: ""Ten."" Patient: ""Ten what?"" Doctor: ""Nine..."""

"And I'll have the KKK omelet All whites."

"When a dating site tells me ""Someone new likes you!"" I get angry because I'm there to meet adults, not babies."