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Joke of the Day

"Patient: ""How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: ""Ten."" Patient: ""Ten what?"" Doctor: ""Nine..."""

"What's blue and white and sits up a tree? A fridge wearing a denim jacket."

"""What if I took the dumbest person I know, got them severely drunk, and challenged them to finish my sentences?"" -- inventor of Autocorrect"

"Why isn't there golf in the Paralympics? Because it would be really awkward asking what their handicap was."

"I work out at the same time every day... tomorrow."

"The neighbors with the baby moved out, and now the loudest crying heard throughout the entire apartment complex comes from me."

"Doctor: you gotta cut back on the drinking Me: but why? D:*lifts up x-ray* says here your liver has officially been sponsored by Grey Goose"

"Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's live in a homeless man's beard."

"The town council of Blarney, Ireland held a contest for a new tourism slogan... The winner was ""Pog mo Stone."""

"What bait do you use to catch a space fish? A worm hole"