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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she's a bitch"

"Don't let an extra chromosome let you down!"

"*gets bitten *becomes shy shy"

"A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender asks: what'll you have? Ghost says: I'm here for the boos."

"If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks... Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined."

"What plant attacks people? An Ambush ;)"

"[trying to talk to girl] Ha so you from around here? ""Ya"" Cool me too. I love planet earth"

"[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today"

"US Forces have just liberated thousands of ISIS sex slaves... All the goats and other livestock are being moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their farmers."

"Why did the coach go to Aldi? To get his quarterback."