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Joke of the Day

"How does a duck pay for lipstick? She puts it on her bill"

"If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn't, you should know that I ignored you first."

"How do you stop clowns from attacking you? Go for the juggler"

"Why do emo kids always have the latest technologies?"

"Did you hear why the Quartz is divorcing her husband? She says he took her for Granite"

"Why are the old trees always yelling? They were all petrified."

"If you're 17 and your 200 year old lover won't turn you into a vampire so you can be together forever, he's just not that into you."

"I called the rape hotline today Apparently it's only for victims"

"Asked a girl what I had to do to get her, she said, ""GET LOST!"" So I stared... Realising she wasn't saying more, I asked, ""which season?"""

"If I can see your boner I'm going to acknowledge it with a subtle head nod. Respect."