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Joke of the Day

"[couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS..."

"Charles Dickens walks into a bar... and orders a martini. The bartender asks ""olive 'er twist?"""

"Corny computer jokes? Why was the spider inside the Computer? He was looking for a webpage!"

"My son asked me what it was like to be married I deleted all the music off his iPod except one song."

"They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun."

"I was going to have an 'end of the world' party... ...but I couldn't get the day off work."

"Remember: Before you were Mommy's little darling you were Daddy's little squirt."

"Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? So that no one find out he fucks chickens."

"How do you get to the top of a weather beacon? Climate"

"I texted my girlfriend Ruth and told her it was over. I'm Ruthless."