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Joke of the Day

"Kids are fun to be around. Then they start kicking, screaming, drooling, crying, fighting and then you're just grateful they're not yours."

"I was skeptical Apple was using child labor until my iPod arrived and engraved on it was, ""Help! So hungry! Send Lunchables!"""

"I just moved into an apartment above a jazz club... I was sick of paying for sax."

"*walks up to little girl* ""Honey, is your dad in jail?"" ""No, why?"" ""Because if I was your dad, I'd be in jail."""

"Is Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?"

"*forward*reverse*forward* *reverse*forward*reverse*... --someone in an electric wheelchair giving a blowjob."

"There were many docks along the seashore, but one of them couldn't handle itself and collapsed. Why? Pier pressure!"

"I saw Jesus on the bus today. He was the Juan in front of me."

"Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any children? Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel."

"My girlfriend was crying because she had gum in her hair. I told her to cut it out."