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Joke of the Day

"Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died? Because his life had no porpoise."

"OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO UNPLUG THE TOASTER [flash to dog in sunglasses waiting for his fifth batch of waffles to pop up]"

"What did the Wonderbra say to the regular bra? Do you even lift?"

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS! -Texas Senator Wendy Davis"

"Why does Tumblr hate symmetrical shapes? Because they can't even"

"red (political majority) white (racial majority) and blue (militant majority)"

"The new stars wars episode has been named Episode seven: return of the lens flair"

"1886: We invented a car! 1903: We invented a plane! 1969: We went to the moon! ... ... ... ... ... ... 2015: Taco Emoji!"

"Dear Diary: Day 1 of being a gang member. Wore a bandana today, but took it off after a woman shouted ""you go girl!"" from across the street."

"When someone replies late... If NASA can find a way to send an image of Pluto using that Hubble Space Telescope from 4.67 billion miles then why can't you message me?"