101232

Joke of the Day

"OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO UNPLUG THE TOASTER [flash to dog in sunglasses waiting for his fifth batch of waffles to pop up]"

"People are mad at Mayweather but I think he was just confused. He thought he was supposed to hug his opponent and hit his wife."

"Beer - tastes like I have friends Title."

"A group of crows is called a murder. A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive."

"What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? a pok-e-mon!"

"Growing up in poverty, my mom was a lot like my anti-depressants... Neither of them really worked."

"Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my hands."

"unicorns are really just weaponized ponies."

"What's the hardest part about wearing crocs in college? Swimming through the ocean of pussy to get to class"

"*leans into microphone* My question is for Salt-N-Pepa. ""Hi"" ""Hey"" Hi.""Push It"" is about takin a dump, right? ""No"" ""Nope"" *hands friend $5*"