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Joke of the Day

"The average family income has gone up 2% while the cost of living has increased 23%. - Me explaining to my son why he can't have a sister."

"What does a carpenter do after one night stand? A matching one for the other side of the bed."

"The bunnies near my house are laying the smallest Easter eggs ever, and frankly they taste awful!"

"Jail is just college for people who work at fast food restaurants."

"What's a Hater, Homophobe, Racist, Bigot, and Sexist? Any conservative winning an argument with a liberal, Democrat or 'progressive'."

"Wife: how'd you get that burn on your arm?? Me (looking fabulous): not from your curling iron"

"What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles? Water..."

"I like my coffee how I like my women. STD free."

"Parents that tell u ""it's just a little noise"" when their kid cries on a train are the same ones who knock on ur door when the music is loud"

"At some point in time, the brain named itself. You think it would have gone with something a little better, like Bernard."