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Joke of the Day

"spit your drink at the person sitting across from you and tell them it's because you were laughing at this."

"""Dad, how come we use plastic forks and my friends all have silverware?"" - Because they're poor and have to reuse everything. ""Pfft losers"""

"Why did the hippy drown at the beach? Because he was too far out mannnn."

"Where do adolescent gangsters go? The childhood"

"What's the best thing about a dead baby? The aftertaste."

"I tripped on a ""slippery when wet"" sign today. I was floored by the irony."

"Probably my worst birthday was my 9th because my mom was in jail & her boyfriend TJ made me a pinata filled with maggots & hair."

"A Jewish daughter asks her Jewish dad for forty dollars to go to the movies... the dad says: ""Thirty dollars?! what do you need twenty five dollars for?!"""

"How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler."

"Did you hear about the new deal on liposuction at that British clinic? each pound is now only $1.33"