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Joke of the Day

"Probably my worst birthday was my 9th because my mom was in jail & her boyfriend TJ made me a pinata filled with maggots & hair."

"I once knew a gay Irish couple. Their names were Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick"

"I bought a new fragrance today... Bc I heard with the right Cologne, women just can't say no to you"

"January 27th is Mozart's birthday. Mozart died at 34 years old. Had he lived he would be 259 years old on Tuesday"

"Friends are like balloons... If you stab them, they die"

"Midgets wouldn't creep me out nearly as much if they were autotuned."

"I'd like to teach the world to sing. And while everyone's busy, I'd go watch a movie without people talking through it."

"Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in..."

"According to serving sizes tonight, I'm a family of 4."