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Joke of the Day

"""Get in the van if you want to live."" Creepy Terminator..."

"My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I didn't love her back. It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that.;-)"

"I crave feet in the sand, a gentle ocean breeze, the sun on my face, and two entirely new presidential candidates."

"What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery? Force of habit."

"I'm actually not sure if the Wife decorated the tree really well or she just created the best Lady Gaga outfit in history"

"""I'm old."" -everyone over the age of 18"

"Strings are usually pretty straight Unless they're knot"

"One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like ""Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?"""

"Teacher: What is the difference between lightning and electricity? Alexander: I know you do not have to pay for lightning."

"What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket? Independent"