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Joke of the Day

"Can secretaries really write memos with both their left and right hands at the same time? Or is that just stereotyping."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea? I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face."

"News, just in: Truck Stolen! A lorry containing 150 pallets of Viagra was stolen last night. Police are searching the country for a gang of hardened criminals."

"Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?"

"""Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it."" -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation"

"Rumour has it Eminem has converted to Islam. From now on, he will call himself ""Muslim Shady."""

"I'm not lazy. I'm just stopping the sofa from floating away."

"Why won't you ever see an ant walk in a church? They're insects. I'll show myself out."

"How do you get Dick from Richard? I don't know, ask his wife."

"There were two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, ""Wow, it's really hot in here!"" The other says, ""Holy shit! A talking muffin!"""