133279

Joke of the Day

"my uber driver said today, ""I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn left"""

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black."

"You wake in a field, nude, grass stained elbows, knees and a condom in your ass, Do you tell anyone? No? Wanna come camping with me this weekend?"

"I see fewer cats on my front page. I've been told that Curiosity killed them."

"What do you call mustard that's not very hot? Air condijoned. I'll see myself out."

"FBI responds to increased number of botched investigations resulting in civilian casualties By adding a new definition for ""botched"" to urban dictionary; successful"

"What do you call a Doctor who received all 'D's in Medical School? Doctor"

"What's a Russian's favorite food? Vladimir Poutine"

"How do you know you're girlfriend is getting too fat? She can fit into your wife's clothes."

"I ate one of those artisan pizzas and now I can't stop painting my bathroom."