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Joke of the Day

"So Philip Seymour Hoffman is in the new Hunger Games . . . If anything can bring him back, it's some powerful heroine."

"Do let me know if you're ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You're welcome :)"

"Now boarding... Two vultures board an airplane each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, ""I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."""

"I lost a leg to a guy named Amir... God damn, he's good at playing darts."

"What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

"chicken & KFC Q: Why did the chicken go to KFC? A: He wanted to see a chicken strip."

"There once was a man from the Cape. Who had balls like a hairy great ape. Then he met a nice girl. She gave him a whirl. And now he's got two little grapes."

"What building has the most stories? A library."

"I got completely sucked into a three hour documentary about a toad. It was ribbeting."

"Hey, did you hear about that top secret explosion? Me neither. No one did. It's top secret. We're probably on a list already for talking about it."