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Joke of the Day

"Gerard Butler is what I imagine Shrek would be like if he transformed back into a human."

"I have the attention span of a... Have I ever told you how much I like porn?"

"Q. What's pink and fluffy? A. Pink fluff. Q. What's blue and fluffy? A. Pink fluff holding its breath Q. What's green and fluffy? A. Moss."

"Your mother ...is so big that when she was born the doctor broke a bottle of champagne over her head."

"Date me? You can't afford the maintenance to keep me. Vodka, high heels, steak, shiny clothes, tonic, Victoria's Secret, and bail money."

"What can't you hide in a basement full of dead hookers? My erection"

"Be careful out there guys. just met a girl, Kylie, and she told me her and her friends are so random...that could mean anything be safe ok"

"What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer."

"7 y/o daughter: Hey dad, can I see your phone for a minute? Me: You got a warrant?"

"Happy 'Ask a goat what month it is month'. Today is the special day when jokes get mystic powers of expression for certain class of words."