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Joke of the Day

"Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic Your loss, our sauce!"

"Cop: Maybe it's your driving. Maybe you're drunk. Me: Maybe it's Maybelline."

"I don't mean to generalize but you don't really see too many good looking customers coming out of adult book stores"

"Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick."

"My main move is to say ""long story short,"" but then hit you with long story medium."

"How do you catch a rabbit? Sit in a field and make carrot noises."

"Every day I swallow a piece of gum in the hopes that one day I will fart a bubble large enough to fly me around the world"

"My mother-in-law's text alert is an entire song. Starting to think my father-in-law's rage isn't really from Vietnam."

"What's the difference between a weatherman and an overweight doctor that handles the urinary tract? One's a meteorologist and the other's a meaty urologist."

"The chicken Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He was to chicken."